So right now, it's midnight and I am baking cupcakes for my daughters baby shower. Which my daughter and her baby is what this blog is going to be about. So no shenanigans.
Currently my daughter is about ready to pop. She is due on March 31. Its been a rocky road. For both me, mentally and her-completely. You see, she is only 17. She will be 18 in less than a month, however not before she gives birth, to my grandson, Jayden Lajuan. I am not going to lie. At first I was very upset, VERY to say the least. I had preached to my girls (I have possession of 3 of them) to wait until they were at least 21 to have babies. Cuz kids, well kids drive you to drink. I don't care what any of you say, but I am sure you mommies out there enjoy your glass of wine one the kiddos are in bed. We all do. But no, not for her. Her baby will be 3 before she can buy her first bottle of wine, legally.
When I first found out, I was pissed. Pissed beyond belief. I expected so much more from her. I was already super mad at her boyfriend, which sucked because previously I loved this kid like one of my own. He was a cool kid, and most importantly my daughter loved him. But he did some stupid shit, that I wont go into, but he really turned me off. Like to the point I wanted to hire someone to "take care" of him. But as I know first hand, one thing you don't do is tell your daughter they can't be with someone, they will just want them more. Well before I knew it, he texted me and told me she was pregnant. I should have seen it, but I didn't. Out of the blue she stopped smoking. Well I got her into prenatal care. (I blogged about this before, but in case you didn't read it, I'll refresh your memory)
She had her first doctors visit and it went well. She went to work after that, and proceeded to call me a very short time after that that something was wrong, very wrong. I started panicking. I told her I would run to her work, literally, her work is just a mile away and she had the car, (I DO NOT RUN) and get her. She said they were sending her home. I called her doctors emergency line and waited for the call back, which seemed like forever. Well long story short, she was in the hospital with bleeding for a while. Her Dad even picked up her boyfriend and brought him. (see previous blog for more info)As much as both her dad and I hated her boyfriend at the time. Luckily the baby was ok, but she was on bed rest for a while.
Fast forward a few months... I am still angry at her boyfriend. And she tells me one day, Mom, you need to understand, he is my babys father, he is going to be here for the next 18 years. I looked her right straight in the face and I said, "oh yeah? where is your father?" (her dad (is Chris, my ex) and her father (is the jerkoff that doesn't pay child support) are 2 different men) Whatever, so I spent a few months being pissed. I really want her to have her baby daddy around, I really do. Its important. When you are pregnant, let alone young and pregnant, you feel like no one seems to understand what you are going thru. Some do, but you still feel that no one does. Luckily for me, I had my mom and my sister for me when I was going thru this when I was prego for her, but I was also in my mid 20's. Yes, I was prego before that, and very young, but that's a whole nother story, that will probably never be blogged about.
But I can tell you, her dad and her sisters love her more than ANYTHING, they will do anything for her!!! Let me just say that now. Mia (my middle one) loves Samantha and looks up to her much more than Sam will ever see. She has even been on me, "mom, what will it take for you to accept Jay again?" While I am made out to be the bad guy, she has those three. Someone has to be the bad guy right, she is only 17, this isn't a MTV reality show?
Well my mom had bought her a crib. It was delivered, and babydaddy put it together (with Sam supervising). But I felt there was something missing. So I fixed it. So here is what I did:
As you know, I have been considering moving to Florida for quite some time. I finally have that in the works. I chose June because that when Samantha was supposed to graduate. I was so proud of her, she was in her final year of school, on the honor roll, and pregnant.. YEAH!!! BEATING THE ODDS. She was busting her ass to have a baby and still graduate. I'm not sure what happened, but that's not happening now. I just found out recently that she wont graduate until December. I was disappointed, so disappointed to say the least. What are the odds that she is going to have this baby, be able to support him & her, and still continue school? Not very good. That's what they are. I am not going to lie. Especially if I am not here to push her. Then I found out that someone close to us told her, why waste your time, just get a GED. REALLY????? I was so pissed off, so PISSED! But then I thought, here's the history, her bio-dad graduated-he's a dead beat, I graduated-I'm a loser, her dad has less than an 8th grade education and he has a great job that he has been at for years, my sister has a 10th grade education and she has been at her career for 17 years, my brother also has a 10th grade education and he has a career he is happy with.... So with that, why would she want to waste her time going to school? ( I bought my class ring as a freshman, that's the only thing that helped me graduate) Granted she will be almost 19 when she graduates (so was I). WHAT DO I DO????!!! Do I make her continue school? Or do I consent to her getting a GED? Honestly, its not up to me... She will be 18 in exactly 28 days. Legally she can do what she wants, even though she is in my home! I truly want what she feels is best for her and her baby's future (lil Jayden<3). I do know that right now, little Jayden is ALL she can think about. We may be poor, but she has trolled craigslist and freecycle to get whatever she can for him. And her baby shower is Saturday, so I am sure she will get much more.
Oh, let me back up., So she hadn't gone to the doctor for a minute because she was waiting for medicaid to go thru. Yes, my (ex)husband as well as her bio father have insurance on her, but she wanted her own. No to mention that in 12 years her fathers insurance has never paid ONE claim, not friggin one! Yet, its considered part of his child support, that he doesn't pay either. oooo, So she finally went to the doctor. It was valentines day. I remember like it was yesterday. She wanted her babydaddy to come over, I told her NO! Yet I texted him and said yes, I wanted to surprise her. So I dropped her off at the doctors and went to pick up my friend and her boyfriend. I get back to the house and I drop her man off and call her to see how the appt is. She said she hadn't even been seen yet that she was still in the waiting room. I pictured in my head the lobby waiting room. NO, she was naked in a "waiting room" for over an hour!! So I just stayed home and cleaned. Finally she calls me. She has that "tone" in her voice. The same tone she had when she called me from work that horrible day. She says, Mom, I need you to come get me and take me to the hospital. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!! My heart starts racing!! I ask what the hell is going on! She said the doctor examined her and she was 3 centimeters dilated and 60% effaced. OK, having 4 kids, I know that's not much, but the fact that her doctor told her to get to the hospital, must mean something more! So valentines day dinner is screwed. I tell the other 2 kids to stay there(at home) that I have to take their sister to the hospital (thinking that I was taking her to prince william, which is right up the street from the house) and I would be right back. So I grab Mr E so he can drive, and I grab the babydaddy and we leave to get her. So we pull up, I have her man lay down in the seat to surprise her, she looks pale as a ghost (not that I have ever seen one, but I am assuming that's what it looks like) and she goes to get in, but the way her face lit up when she saw her boyfriend, I knew at that moment, I had to set aside my personal feelings toward him. She gets in and tells us that she has to go to Fairfax Hospital, OH HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE that hospital! I have given birth to 3 babies in that hospital and not one was a good experience. (Potomac Hospital in Woodbridge is a different Story) So I take her to Fairfax, we are there for 3 hours before we find out we are at the wrong hospital. She was supposed to go to Fair Oaks. So we hall ass over there. Well she is there for a few more hours, and they just send her home and put her on complete bedrest. SUPER!!!!
She had her next appointment almost 2 weeks ago. Everything was the same but she is still on bedrest. Like, seriously, she is on best rest. If she is not driving her man around for job interviews (yeah, baby daddy), all she does is lay in her bed. I HATE IT!!! I want her to hang out and watch movies with the rest of the family. If she doesn't do it now, I fear she won't ever do it again. Again, I plan on moving in a couple of months, I want to enjoy every moment with her. OH speaking of that, so the last doctors visit, oh that was truly AWESOME!! So she was laying on the mini-bed, and I was next to her, daddy was on the other side of me. And I look over at her, and I can see little Jayden kicking the shit out of her! It was so cool!!! Kind of like when you happen to feel a pregnant woman's belly and the baby kicks, but it was so different. Cuz I wasn't touching her, I was looking at it. Granted, I have been there done that. But its so different on someone else. then I started thinking. I Don't have ANY friends or family that have had kids that I have been a part of. Not a single one. Then that got me, wow! WTF!
So here we are. Sam may have her final prenatal doctors appointment tomorrow. She is having her baby shower on Saturday, so frigging excited, which is the only reason I am up this late doing a blog, because I have to make her cupcakes. When I should be sleeping because I have a speed test tomorrow morning!! UGH!! But I really need to vent this. Because I have no friends that I can talk to that can really understand what I am going thru. My friends are either having babies of their own or their kids are going off to college. How do I compare?
Either way, moral of my blog, I am finally embracing being a Glamma. I always thought my cousin Nikki would beat me to it, but no. And that's fine. You know why, because any day after Saturday I am going to have a new baby in my life! And I know he is going to be gorgeous!! HELLO he has 50% of my genes (yes, I said 50%). And I am Happy about it! It took me a while, but whatever, as long as I am happy before he gets here, that's all that matters, right?
I LOVE YOU JAYDEN, I can't wait to meet you. And Samantha, I wish nothing but the best for you, Jay, and Jayden. You have been a great daughter. I look forward to being a great Glamma.
YOU GOT THAT????? I AM A GLAMMA, MY NEW NAME SHALL BE GI-GI!!!
