I have been doing horrible at going to the gym. There was this guy, Jay working there and it was always a joy to chat with him before and after my late night workouts. However, he got a better job and moved on. Not even the tanning has me motivated to go. But I was thinking, I am going to be forty in less than a month. I am not going into my forties weighing over 200 pounds. Yes, I do!!! And I am so ashamed to say it. If I could even loose 15 pounds over the next month, I guess that's a good start.
Why am I like this? Its not like I'm not trained. I worked for LA Weight Loss for a few years, I look frigging awesome then! (when I wasn't pregnant) after that I became a certified personal trainer. Why can I not use that knowledge now? I am such a fat lazy ass! Hold on, let me weight myself.... BRB.. Ok, here's what my scale had to say "get off me fat ass!!", nah JK. So I weigh 205.6lbs and I'm almost 1/2 fat, NO SHIT!!! 44.3% fat. That's bullshit.
I started Insanity today. I did the fit test. I am so far from fit its ridiculous. But here are my scores:
1. switch kicks:25
2. power jacks: 25
3. power knees: 50
4. power jumps: 10
5. globe jumps: 4
6. suicide jumps: 4
7. push-up jacks:1 (no that is not a typo)
8. low plank obliques: 15
Boy do I have a rough road ahead of me. When I was cooling down at the end of the workout, I had put my head down during a stretch. Wow the sweat just poured onto my face from my body, like gross!!
I also started on Alli. WOW, that stuff is some shit! If you eat any fat, woooooooaaaaaahhhhh, not a good time. I went from weekly BM to multiple times a day. I still have not got ahold of my late night eating. I hate my medication!
I plan to update this "weight loss entries" blog every 7 days. I truly hope it gets better and better. With my wacked out schedule I don't know if I can complete this workout 6 days a week. But I am going to try.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
More changes coming along
Welcome back!
Well some things have changed since my last blog. Well only one man thing and I won't blog too much about it. I have finally received the text message I have been waiting for for over 2 years. Chris and his girlfriend broke up. OH YES!! No, not that I am hoping to get back together with him. Just for the fact he can finally feel what it feels like to be lonely. He said that he is currently staying with his mom (you know, the wicked bitch of Springfield). And he plans to move to Fredericksburg sometime. I offered for him to stay here on any weekend that he wants to spend time with the girls. I can easily stay with a friend.
So that's it for right now. I have been up to my usual Gina shenanigans but I just don't want to blog about it yet.
TTYL!
XOXOXOXO
Well some things have changed since my last blog. Well only one man thing and I won't blog too much about it. I have finally received the text message I have been waiting for for over 2 years. Chris and his girlfriend broke up. OH YES!! No, not that I am hoping to get back together with him. Just for the fact he can finally feel what it feels like to be lonely. He said that he is currently staying with his mom (you know, the wicked bitch of Springfield). And he plans to move to Fredericksburg sometime. I offered for him to stay here on any weekend that he wants to spend time with the girls. I can easily stay with a friend.
So that's it for right now. I have been up to my usual Gina shenanigans but I just don't want to blog about it yet.
TTYL!
XOXOXOXO
Monday, October 8, 2012
How I got here....
With all of the blogs I have done over the last 2 years, I have never really talked about how I got here. I went to an AA meeting the other day and the first guy to speak told us how right before he left for the meeting his wife told him that she didn't want to be with him anymore. And that got me thinking. The woman (his wife) described, sounded just like me. And everyone telling him what a bitch she is and how great he is. And it made me realize, wow I need to do another blog. So, lets back up to 2008.
My marriage was pretty weak, I'll admit it. I was married to a really great man. He was an awesome dad. He was a great provider, a great best friend, yet a horrible husband. So we started going to marriage counseling. On our 3rd visit the therapist asked when to schedule our next appointment. Chris told him thank you but there was no need we worked everything out. I'm thinking in my head, wow- I didn't notice a difference. But hey, if he noticed then that was good, right? This was in the fall of 2008. I had been out of work since April 2008. So life goes on, yet he didn't change. Or at least what I was mad about didn't change. He still wasn't doing his "husband" duties. Now if he was bitching about me not giving the ass up, everyone would be telling him how horrible I was and that I should just cheat. Yet since he was the one not putting out, I was the bad person. You know, I didn't have one, not one friend tell me that I should cheat, well one did (I'll get to that bitch later). Every month that went by and he didn't put out I just got meaner and meaner. I need sex! Plain and simple. Just 10 minutes of his time, that's it. Finally I have had enough (not literally of course) so I had him sign a contract. Yes, you read right! A fucking contract! (literally) He agreed to the terms, otherwise he should not have signed it. The terms were simple, he had to give me sex at least once a month. Thats it, thats all I requested. His excuse was always that he was so tired. I'm like, so the fuck what, just lay there I'll go the rest. Seriously, it got so bad that for a while I was crushing up viagra and putting it in his drinks, yup TRUE STORY!! But at $17 a pop, that shit got expensive! So I had him sign the contract in January 2009. Then May gets here, he STILL isn't giving up the ass. Well its time to renew our lease. I didn't really want to stay. I had a friend who had been telling me to leave him and take the girls and move in with her (by the beach). But no, I figured he would change. Which I should have known, he hadn't changed in 8 years.....
So Memorial Weekend gets here and its time for us to renew our lease (well actually the end of June but Chris wanted to renew early for some reason). So we new our lease and a couple of days later I was up in our bedroom watching tv and he was in the basement watching tv. So he strolls into the bedroom, pale as a ghost. he leans up against the wall and says, um sweetie-I'm done. I'm like, done what? He said again, I am just done? I'm like were you doing a puzzle or something? he plainly says, I am done being married. I feel like a big fat whale has been dropped on me. I start crying and asking why can't we just talk about this, why does it have to be over. even though I feel as though it has been over for years. But here's the thing that gets me, why now? What has happened to make him finally say that he is done trying? Even thru all the bullshit, every, and I mean EVERY single day he would kiss me while I was "sleeping" and tell me he loved me before he went to work. (hell no I wasn't sleeping, 1-I was trying to see if there was any morning wood to take advantage of, and if not 2-I was going to whip out the Hitachi the second I heard him pull away from the house!) And every night before he went to sleep he would do the same thing. Two days before he asked for the divorce he had texted me, "I just want to tell you how much I love you". You know, I kept that text on my phone until it got stolen last November. I don't know why, it made me cry each and every time I read it.
So he goes to move out. We have a mutual friend and I knew that his roommates had just moved out. So I called him and told him what had happened and he said he would talk to Chris and work something out. I had Chris sign a separation agreement stating what he was going to be responsible for for the next year since he renewed the lease knowing damn well that he was leaving, and I hated him for that. Here comes the crazy part. After he moved out, every time he came over he would still hug and kiss me. closed mouth, but still, he would kiss me. So I guess that I held onto hope that we would get back together. About a week or so after he moved out, I was in a depression like nothing I had ever experienced before. I couldn't do shit. I wasn't even able to get up to get the kids off to school. All I did was sleep about 20 hours a day and cry. cry all of the time, it was horrible. As unhappy I was with this man I loved him, I loved him more than I had or ever will love anyone.
So I happen to be on facebook and I noticed that this total skank whore that we both knew had moved back to VA that same weekend. So I called him and asked him if she was the final straw that broke the camels back (like seriously, I am a big girl but this broad is a BIG BIG girl). Woah, lemme back up. She had moved to Florida back in October 2008. Yet I would see her texting with him all the time. He would just tell me that she was bored, WHATEVER!! they say hind sight is 20/20. So that's what made me think that something was going on between them. In fact, she had even told me one night when we were out that she was going to steal my husband and that she bet that she could get him to fuck her before I could... Fucking Whore, OMG... I am getting so heated just thinking about her.
So one night I had had enough. I bought a gallon of vodka. I drank almost the entire thing and took a bunch of Xanax and passed out, hoping that I never woke up in the morning. I know, selfish, fucking selfish thing to do to my children. But I just couldn't handle it anymore. I just didn't want to be alive. I was a piece of shit mother, a horrible friend, and an even worse wife. I just wanted it all to be over! That night I completely lost it. I not only put all of that stuff in my body I also hit my oldest daughter right across the face. I don't remember why, but I do remember doing it. (needless to say she hasn't ever got in my face since then) I awoke in the morning and told my best friend, who is also my sister, what I had done. She called Chris and told him to get the kids after school that she was taking me to the hospital. I ended up getting put in the psych ward for 5 days. After day 3 I really wanted to go home. My nurse sat me down (she already knew what had happened to get me in there) and calmly says, Gina, your husband just left you and left you with the kids. Screw him!!! Make him stay with the kids and you stay in here for a couple more days to work on you. He needs to see what you are going to have to deal with for at least the next 13 years. Think of it as a vacation.... During that time I met an awesome chick, and we have remained friends ever since. Well, Chris was actually the person to come get me from the hospital. I had hope something had changed in his mind. But no, this just solidified it for him that he would be better off without me. And that made me even more mad. How can he say that about me, and think that I am such a horrible person, yet he was leaving his 3 young children in my care. Who does that? A selfish mother fucker that's who! Guess that makes two of us.
So time goes buy. December gets here and Chris' roommate calls me to tell me that he is kicking Chris out. I asked why and he told me that Chris hadn't paid rent in almost 2 months, PUMP THE FUCKING BRAKES!!!!! I had been giving him money every week to pay for his rent, what the hell was he doing with it? Well Chris moves out of our friends house. But I had no idea where he was staying. I was too scared to ask. That friend had told me that he thought Chris was seeing someone (great, another stab to the heart). Then January, I will never, never, ever forget this. I had had a dream that Chris was seeing that fat whore. So I texted him about it, I always shared my crazy dreams with him. He texted back that he had something to tell me. Oh man, here we go again with the heart thing. He then proceeds to tell me that he had in fact been seeing that fucking fat whore bitch! No shit!!!!! Bam, right in the kisser. I go bizerk again. I proceed to tell the chick's parents what a whore their daughter is, blah, blah, blah, like they didn't already know. Well, the fat ass decided to get a restraining order on me for "cyber bullying". How fucking stupid.
Chris had moved in with this chick at her parents house (real classy for a married man who just left his wife whom he had been with for 13 years and his 3 kids). I may like me some 20-something fellas, but I certainly wouldn't live with him at his parents house, thats just wrong. Do I hold grudges you ask? Yes, yes I do, I am not even going to lie or sugarcoat it.
Here we are, over 3 years (and over 20 blogs) later. They are still together, in their own place. However, I will never be accepting to her, EVER. I'm pretty sure that if I am put within an arms reach of her, I will tear her ass up. I am however decent with the ex. I have to be. I do not have to ever be friends with that backstabbing whore.
Yes, I know it takes two to tango. I have hated him for 3 years. I still have to be civil to him for the next 9 years, nothing more, nothing less. He is more involved with the girls now. he makes sure to try and take all three one weekend a month. So, in a loooong story that is how the "Real Suburban Housewife" got here.
My marriage was pretty weak, I'll admit it. I was married to a really great man. He was an awesome dad. He was a great provider, a great best friend, yet a horrible husband. So we started going to marriage counseling. On our 3rd visit the therapist asked when to schedule our next appointment. Chris told him thank you but there was no need we worked everything out. I'm thinking in my head, wow- I didn't notice a difference. But hey, if he noticed then that was good, right? This was in the fall of 2008. I had been out of work since April 2008. So life goes on, yet he didn't change. Or at least what I was mad about didn't change. He still wasn't doing his "husband" duties. Now if he was bitching about me not giving the ass up, everyone would be telling him how horrible I was and that I should just cheat. Yet since he was the one not putting out, I was the bad person. You know, I didn't have one, not one friend tell me that I should cheat, well one did (I'll get to that bitch later). Every month that went by and he didn't put out I just got meaner and meaner. I need sex! Plain and simple. Just 10 minutes of his time, that's it. Finally I have had enough (not literally of course) so I had him sign a contract. Yes, you read right! A fucking contract! (literally) He agreed to the terms, otherwise he should not have signed it. The terms were simple, he had to give me sex at least once a month. Thats it, thats all I requested. His excuse was always that he was so tired. I'm like, so the fuck what, just lay there I'll go the rest. Seriously, it got so bad that for a while I was crushing up viagra and putting it in his drinks, yup TRUE STORY!! But at $17 a pop, that shit got expensive! So I had him sign the contract in January 2009. Then May gets here, he STILL isn't giving up the ass. Well its time to renew our lease. I didn't really want to stay. I had a friend who had been telling me to leave him and take the girls and move in with her (by the beach). But no, I figured he would change. Which I should have known, he hadn't changed in 8 years.....
So Memorial Weekend gets here and its time for us to renew our lease (well actually the end of June but Chris wanted to renew early for some reason). So we new our lease and a couple of days later I was up in our bedroom watching tv and he was in the basement watching tv. So he strolls into the bedroom, pale as a ghost. he leans up against the wall and says, um sweetie-I'm done. I'm like, done what? He said again, I am just done? I'm like were you doing a puzzle or something? he plainly says, I am done being married. I feel like a big fat whale has been dropped on me. I start crying and asking why can't we just talk about this, why does it have to be over. even though I feel as though it has been over for years. But here's the thing that gets me, why now? What has happened to make him finally say that he is done trying? Even thru all the bullshit, every, and I mean EVERY single day he would kiss me while I was "sleeping" and tell me he loved me before he went to work. (hell no I wasn't sleeping, 1-I was trying to see if there was any morning wood to take advantage of, and if not 2-I was going to whip out the Hitachi the second I heard him pull away from the house!) And every night before he went to sleep he would do the same thing. Two days before he asked for the divorce he had texted me, "I just want to tell you how much I love you". You know, I kept that text on my phone until it got stolen last November. I don't know why, it made me cry each and every time I read it.
So he goes to move out. We have a mutual friend and I knew that his roommates had just moved out. So I called him and told him what had happened and he said he would talk to Chris and work something out. I had Chris sign a separation agreement stating what he was going to be responsible for for the next year since he renewed the lease knowing damn well that he was leaving, and I hated him for that. Here comes the crazy part. After he moved out, every time he came over he would still hug and kiss me. closed mouth, but still, he would kiss me. So I guess that I held onto hope that we would get back together. About a week or so after he moved out, I was in a depression like nothing I had ever experienced before. I couldn't do shit. I wasn't even able to get up to get the kids off to school. All I did was sleep about 20 hours a day and cry. cry all of the time, it was horrible. As unhappy I was with this man I loved him, I loved him more than I had or ever will love anyone.
So I happen to be on facebook and I noticed that this total skank whore that we both knew had moved back to VA that same weekend. So I called him and asked him if she was the final straw that broke the camels back (like seriously, I am a big girl but this broad is a BIG BIG girl). Woah, lemme back up. She had moved to Florida back in October 2008. Yet I would see her texting with him all the time. He would just tell me that she was bored, WHATEVER!! they say hind sight is 20/20. So that's what made me think that something was going on between them. In fact, she had even told me one night when we were out that she was going to steal my husband and that she bet that she could get him to fuck her before I could... Fucking Whore, OMG... I am getting so heated just thinking about her.
So one night I had had enough. I bought a gallon of vodka. I drank almost the entire thing and took a bunch of Xanax and passed out, hoping that I never woke up in the morning. I know, selfish, fucking selfish thing to do to my children. But I just couldn't handle it anymore. I just didn't want to be alive. I was a piece of shit mother, a horrible friend, and an even worse wife. I just wanted it all to be over! That night I completely lost it. I not only put all of that stuff in my body I also hit my oldest daughter right across the face. I don't remember why, but I do remember doing it. (needless to say she hasn't ever got in my face since then) I awoke in the morning and told my best friend, who is also my sister, what I had done. She called Chris and told him to get the kids after school that she was taking me to the hospital. I ended up getting put in the psych ward for 5 days. After day 3 I really wanted to go home. My nurse sat me down (she already knew what had happened to get me in there) and calmly says, Gina, your husband just left you and left you with the kids. Screw him!!! Make him stay with the kids and you stay in here for a couple more days to work on you. He needs to see what you are going to have to deal with for at least the next 13 years. Think of it as a vacation.... During that time I met an awesome chick, and we have remained friends ever since. Well, Chris was actually the person to come get me from the hospital. I had hope something had changed in his mind. But no, this just solidified it for him that he would be better off without me. And that made me even more mad. How can he say that about me, and think that I am such a horrible person, yet he was leaving his 3 young children in my care. Who does that? A selfish mother fucker that's who! Guess that makes two of us.
So time goes buy. December gets here and Chris' roommate calls me to tell me that he is kicking Chris out. I asked why and he told me that Chris hadn't paid rent in almost 2 months, PUMP THE FUCKING BRAKES!!!!! I had been giving him money every week to pay for his rent, what the hell was he doing with it? Well Chris moves out of our friends house. But I had no idea where he was staying. I was too scared to ask. That friend had told me that he thought Chris was seeing someone (great, another stab to the heart). Then January, I will never, never, ever forget this. I had had a dream that Chris was seeing that fat whore. So I texted him about it, I always shared my crazy dreams with him. He texted back that he had something to tell me. Oh man, here we go again with the heart thing. He then proceeds to tell me that he had in fact been seeing that fucking fat whore bitch! No shit!!!!! Bam, right in the kisser. I go bizerk again. I proceed to tell the chick's parents what a whore their daughter is, blah, blah, blah, like they didn't already know. Well, the fat ass decided to get a restraining order on me for "cyber bullying". How fucking stupid.
Chris had moved in with this chick at her parents house (real classy for a married man who just left his wife whom he had been with for 13 years and his 3 kids). I may like me some 20-something fellas, but I certainly wouldn't live with him at his parents house, thats just wrong. Do I hold grudges you ask? Yes, yes I do, I am not even going to lie or sugarcoat it.
Here we are, over 3 years (and over 20 blogs) later. They are still together, in their own place. However, I will never be accepting to her, EVER. I'm pretty sure that if I am put within an arms reach of her, I will tear her ass up. I am however decent with the ex. I have to be. I do not have to ever be friends with that backstabbing whore.
Yes, I know it takes two to tango. I have hated him for 3 years. I still have to be civil to him for the next 9 years, nothing more, nothing less. He is more involved with the girls now. he makes sure to try and take all three one weekend a month. So, in a loooong story that is how the "Real Suburban Housewife" got here.
THE BEGINNING OF THE END........
Monday, October 1, 2012
Weight Loss Challenge Part 2
Well, I am well into the weight loss challenges. I am having mixed feelings. I am working out 5 days a week at the gym (20 minutes total on the elliptical and 30 minute circuit) and a couple of times at home. I was taking Slimquick, gained 8 pounds the first week. Yes, gained-not lost. so then I switched to Jillian Michaels Jumpstart Kit. I have only lost 3 pounds in a week. Oh don't give me that "oh thats a great start" BS, I should have lost at least 10 pounds the first week on them. I have alot of body fat, especially in my booty and baby holder.
So I went out and bought a real scale today. When I had done biggest loser on wii today, it said I had dropped 11 pounds. I knew that was too good to be true because my clothes still feel the same (tight). Yup, the new scale said a loss of 3.5 pounds. yucky-shit-poo-damnit
However, that is not going to make my motivation stop to do this! I will be 40 VERY, VERY soon. And I want to look as good at 40 as I did at 30. (however 20 would be even better)
I tried the whole no carbs thing, nope that didn't work. (damn sushi and wine!) I don't have a fridge at work so it's very dangerous to take my cooked "proteins" to work. I am there for 14.5 hours so I need to have food that lasts all day. Which usually consists of 2 weightloss shakes, 4 fruits, and 1 smart ones frozen meal.
These late night munchies are killing me though! And no, I don't mean from smokin weed. I wish it was from that, but no. I have to take this one med to keep me from killin' fools. And thats a bad side effect. I am beginning to think I would rather be crazy and skinny that fat and sane.
I guess I just need to stock up on eggs, bacon, and steak and go back to adkins. I lost 75 pounds in under 6 months that time. (but when it came back, it came back with a vengence)
Just to scare me skinny I am posting one of my "before" pictures.
So I have started drinking cuke water again, I love that stuff. So tonights dinner is tacos for the family. That means taco meat, lettuce, cheese, and sour cream for me.
See ya in a couple of days........
Signed,
Fatty
So I went out and bought a real scale today. When I had done biggest loser on wii today, it said I had dropped 11 pounds. I knew that was too good to be true because my clothes still feel the same (tight). Yup, the new scale said a loss of 3.5 pounds. yucky-shit-poo-damnit
However, that is not going to make my motivation stop to do this! I will be 40 VERY, VERY soon. And I want to look as good at 40 as I did at 30. (however 20 would be even better)
I tried the whole no carbs thing, nope that didn't work. (damn sushi and wine!) I don't have a fridge at work so it's very dangerous to take my cooked "proteins" to work. I am there for 14.5 hours so I need to have food that lasts all day. Which usually consists of 2 weightloss shakes, 4 fruits, and 1 smart ones frozen meal.
These late night munchies are killing me though! And no, I don't mean from smokin weed. I wish it was from that, but no. I have to take this one med to keep me from killin' fools. And thats a bad side effect. I am beginning to think I would rather be crazy and skinny that fat and sane.
I guess I just need to stock up on eggs, bacon, and steak and go back to adkins. I lost 75 pounds in under 6 months that time. (but when it came back, it came back with a vengence)
Just to scare me skinny I am posting one of my "before" pictures.
So I have started drinking cuke water again, I love that stuff. So tonights dinner is tacos for the family. That means taco meat, lettuce, cheese, and sour cream for me.
See ya in a couple of days........
Signed,
Fatty
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